


He never cries

by Freezer_Pop



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Blind Twelfth Doctor, Doctor Who Feels, Friendship, Here I Come 15155 Years Late, Hurt/Comfort, I love my space dad and his gay daughter, Post-Episode AU: s10e05 Oxygen, Post-Episode: s10e08 The Lie of the Land, Talking, The Doctor Stays Blind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-18 05:29:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11284662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freezer_Pop/pseuds/Freezer_Pop
Summary: They sit like that, the only thing breaking the silence is the rustling of papers as the Doctor tries to find something on the desk. Bill curses herself for not noticing sooner.





	He never cries

**Author's Note:**

> aye, my first fanfic published here and my first Doctor Who fic ever. i really can't get over The Doctor and Bill's friendship i love them so much. i hope you enjoy reading, comments are always appreciated *finger guns*

The clock is ticking away the minutes. Eight have passed so far, all in complete silence after the monologue Bill half-declared half-shouted at the Doctor. She looks at him for a while and she would have thought it was creepy, staring at someone who can not acknowledge it but knowing the Doctor, he probably knows. 

 

They sit like that, the only thing breaking the silence is the rustling of papers as the Doctor tries to find something on the desk. Bill curses herself for not noticing sooner. The way he furrows his eyebrows and isn't really looking at the desk, just somewhere off into the distance. The way his hand searches, hesitantly, unsure what it might collide with. It's obvious and it's almost as if she is the one who's blind for not seeing it quicker, she thinks bitterly. 

 

The Doctor cannot see, he'll be stuck like that for the rest of his life and it's her fault. She knows he would scold her and give her a lecture if she said it out loud but as of today she also knows he is a gigantic idiot so his opinion doesn't really matter at the moment. She takes a deep breath, flexing and unflexing her hands that she lay on the desk earlier

 

The Doctors perks up when she does it and it really must be some alien superpowers, she decides. 

"Bill," he starts, hesitant, unsure, scared. He takes off his sonic sunglasses and rubs his eyes. His face seems much more open and vulnerable as if along with his sight, he has also lost control over his emotions. Maybe he has. "It's not your fault."

 

Definitely alien magic then. 

 

"It was my choice to go there and it was also my choice to save you. You have nothing to feel guilty about."

 

And she knows it, she wants to believe it so badly and yet such a big part of her doubts it, blames herself. After all, the Doctor is much more important than her. He needs his sight not only to protect the vault but the whole world, the whole universe. There is only as much he can do whilst being blind. 

 

"I'll be alright," He reads her mind again and it is really getting scary how well he knows her by know. She just hopes he can't read all of her thoughts because honestly, that would have been quite embarrassing. "I told you, it's only temporary. After I get a new set of eyes and basically every single cell in my body, I'll be good as new. Or rather, I'll be literally new."

 

She doesn't understand what he's saying, more so than usual. He grins at her then, opting for something funny, trying to make her smile even though he won't be able to see it. But he is facing just a little bit too much the left of her for it to pass and she almost bursts out crying. She can't stand it anymore, she can't be angry at him anymore for lying to her for so long, for not telling her and not asking for help, not being able to admit he needs it. 

 

She stands up abruptly, the chair scraping on the wooden floorboards. The Doctor flinches but she ignores it and chooses to fling herself at him instead. She puts her arms around him and squeezes tightly, hiding her head in the crook of his neck. She should be the one comforting him but instead, he is stroking her hair as she sobs quietly, tears falling down her cheeks and dampening his t-shirt.

 

She never really cries a lot. Her mom died when Bill was a baby, so she was just a stranger to her and it's hard to mourn after someone you don't know. She would have cried after her now, after the image in her head she keeps chasing, keeps seeing in all the photos. She didn't cry at her graduation, even if it seemed right to do so. She didn't cry after Heather, even though she might have lost the love of her life on that day.

 

But now, all the pent up energy, months spent alone, only with the image of her mother in her head to keep her company, all of that fear and adrenaline and anger and sadness comes out in a form of tears. She's shaking and cold and can't think rationally right now, but she's not alone and the Doctor is there, holding her tight, not letting go. He holds her like that, trying his best to reassure her he's real, he isn't going anywhere. His best is more than enough. They're mostly fine or they will be, given time, and it's all that really matters at the moment. The fact that they are still here, that it's not a dream she thought of to escape the world with the Monks is all she needs. The Monks have taken the Doctor's sight again, but they can manage. They will heal, together, make each other stronger and grow closer. They're both alive and can carry on and keep on exploring the universe. She doesn't think about the stars and the planets and the lectures and the beating she's going to give the Doctor if he doesn't ask for help when he needs it though. Instead, she just cries, lets go of any thread of thought. 

 

And so she cries for the stupid, brilliant man she has come to love so dearly. She cries for him, for all of his pain, for all of his courage and stupidity and stubbornness and loneliness. She cries because he has seen so much death and destruction and yet here he is still kind, still good, still caring. She cries because he is so old and so wise and yet he can't ask for help. She cries because of how much he cares about her and how much he is willing to risk for fear of losing her. She cries because he is what has been missing in her life. She cries for her friend because there is nobody else to cry for him.

 

She cries because he never does. 

 

She feels something wet drop onto her shoulder.


End file.
